There is a Thirukural which starts as the title. Here is the summary of what it says.
Friendship is not only sharing fun times but also you should point the mistakes and/or provide correct advice to the friend.
So many times I thought about this and wondered about its implications.
Could or should we say/advice a friends if we think they are doing something wrong?
How much of that is very subjective thing?
Are we so perfect that we can advice or point mistakes?
When is the right time to point issues? And when is the time to keep quiet?
Will I be open to criticism from my friends? And what if I think they are wrong?
Questions, Questions and more questions!
Being a diplomatic person in general, I am scared of pin-pointing others problem or probing others to give my thoughts on what I perceive to be their problem.
I feel it is also character dependent and how friendships are built. Some people point your problems without you getting hurt while if I try the same logic, it will come out as condescending. (Or so I think)
Friday, November 18, 2005
Naguthar Porutandru Natpu
Posted by BrainWaves at 12:33 AM
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4 comments:
"Nagudhar Poruttandru Nattal Migudhikkan
Merchendru Idithar Poruttu"
This is one of the thirukkural that I have always liked and followed in real life.
I like to think of it in 2 ways. What if a friend does something that offends you? What if a friend does something that seems incorrect to you?
For the first question, I like to immediately tell my friends if I felt offended by their actions. This is true even if they are not my friends. This is because others are not going to know me unless I tell them how I feel about things and especially things that I dont take for granted.
The second question is a little tricky. I like to believe that everyone knows how to distinguish between good and evil. I personally think that advice will not change it. As a friend, if I have strong opinions about something that my friend does, I express my opinion (not advice, but opinion...). If they dont take it, I dont get offended. If they get offended, they will try to offend you, in which case apply rule 1 from the previous question...:)
I think that people, in general are smart in a social sense and they do things certain way because they want to, and not because of the fact that they dont know what the right/other way is. For example, if my friend tells me that he is going to kill someone, though I would express my opinion "strongly" that it could result in other major issues, I would also think that he has a reason to do what he wants to do.
Anyway, Interestingly, I was talking about this Kural to my wife just yesterday since it reminded me of my Tamil Teacher... Now, that would make up for a blog, wouldnt it?
Some people do take things offensively even if it comes from a friend.I guess it depends on one's ego threshold.Sometimes, a friend might just need your presence and a comforting shoulder than an advice to solve his/her problems.But, at the end of the day,whatever happens, I think the love for a friend overrides small offensiveness.
Being a virgo, I am a very good critic,which does not help at all.When I look at something, the first thing that pops out is some mistake.But, I hold my tongue except when I am surrounded by close friends.
It also depends on how close you are with the "Friend". But, as survivor said, the love will override any small/big offensiveness. It might even bring you closer.
Although, this thirukkural was taught in early school days, the real meaning, gets to your heart as you mature.
I don't mind comments or suggestions from my friends. And somehow strangely, most of my friends are frank enough to let me know what they think, but they don't go further to over emphasize things! Okay.. maybe I consciously or subconciously eliminated them when they tried to cross over the acquaintance/friendship border. I don't know. But, I think I expect friends would express their feelings anyway. In many cases, I like to hear other perspectives before I finalize on something. In other cases, I don't ask for an opinion.
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