I really got to go...

Although this happened many years back, for some reason I can remember this like it happened yesterday.

Turn of the century, the year was 1999. I had gotten engaged to Meera in absentia and it was now time for me to make my rather longish trip from Spokane to Chennai for our wedding. I'm the kind of person who doesn't deal with nervousness with steely cool fingers. As a matter of fact I lost about 15 minutes during my 12th Math exam- trying to find a place to pee because the nervousness got the better of me. So take it from me, when I say I don't do nervousness very well and I was really nervous. As a matter of fact, I get nervous about a lot of things. I get nervous before travel. Its only prior to the travel that I'm really nervous- the actual travel itself is a pleasure. I used to be very nervous meeting people. So here was a case when both waves of nervousness met fully and reached resonance. I packed nervously, I got gifts for everybody nervously, I left my home locking up everything behind me obsessively (yes thats another thing, I have mild OCD when leaving behind a locked home or car). By the time I reached the airport I was a nervous wreck. I kept going over and over in my mind all the smart things I would say when I first met Meera. I even thought up smart conversations in my mind for each of her family members. It took a lot of time and before I knew it I was in Singapore. I called Meera up in Chennai to confirm that I was about 4 hours from Chennai. Now my nervousness was at an all time high- I showered, shaved and changed into fresh clothes before I jumped into the Chennai flight. Soon I was in Chennai Airport and because I was busy being fidgety, time flew and soon I was walking out of green channel. Saw my dad, mom and sister there waiting for me. My dad and mom moved aside and Meera was standing there smiling very shyly. Here was the person I had conversed over the phone for hours together almost everyday for the last 7 months (thats the topic for a different blog)., this was what I was waiting for all these months and suddenly I couldn't think of anything to say. Nada, zip, nothing. I think if there was a video taken of that moment, I would have recognised a gold fish. My mouth would open as if to say something and close, then open again and close. Unlike Meera I didn't smile much either. My dad decided to intervene on my behalf- he suggested "you both may want to shake hands"? Immediately I let out a loud forced laughter, glad the silence was over and shook hands very vigorously. Next five minutes as we were walking back to the cars- I kept wondering if I shook hands a bit too vigorously. Perhaps women prefer a gentler grip? Did I crush her hands a tad too much? Why was her palms limp- was that too much? maybe I should ask her?

My dad, mom and sister discreetly hinted that they will come in their car. While myself and Meera can go with her brother to my parent's apartment. I was wondering if there was anyway of getting rid of brother boy. Not a chance my mind told me., his car- he drives. Ofcourse there was no other configuration possible but me and Meera sit in different rows. You see since her brother had to drive the car, only one could sit in the front (unless we sat in the same seat and that may be a bit too much). Ofcourse, I did consider for a moment if we both could sit in the back, seeing that her brother was all of 6 feet, I dropped that idea.

As we drove out with me in the front and Meera in the rear seat, I realised she was awfully quiet. This was a girl who was very garrulous on the phone the last six months, as a matter of fact many of our conversations would be filled with her talking and me punctuating in between with some well timed 'ohs' and 'ahas'. She was now playing shy all of a sudden. To make it worse I couldn't bring up any romantic conversation, thanks to our buddy driving next to me- who insisted on making small talk with me about the totally forget-able flight I had just had. Didn't do much to help my nervousness and ofcourse I had a slight urge to pee too. I realised that in all my nervousness I had drunk a lot of coffee and a lot of water and hadn't peed since Singapore- many hours back.

Thats ok, I could pee at home I thought, as we rounded a corner and reached my parents home. They were all waiting for us, it was about midnight now and ofcourse my dad insisted that they come in and spend a few minutes before leaving. I was delighted and had a sudden urge to hug him for this brainwave.

We all walked up and sat in the hall making more small talk which was completely boring me. I wanted some quality time with Meera- but how could I wrestle her away from everybody at this juncture. I asked Meera if she wanted to see my room? She gave a shy ok. I realised I really had to pee- but she said ok and I didn't want to go now. Afterall they were here only for a few minutes. I also realised that I didn't know where my room was anymore. One had changed into my sister's room- the other was suddenly in a different configuration. I was getting very nervous, lost in the house I grew up in. I must've looked very frantic and funny to Meera, here I was suddenly searching for something she had no idea what. I was sweating profusely, because nothing was the same and I was suddenly getting very disoriented. I said - oh these are my college book. As if that was what Meera was waiting to know for such a long time. I pointed to my desk and bravely said- thats my desk. She smiled back. Hmm what else can I say? The conversation in the hall was dying and her brother may decide anytime that its time to leave and here I was pointing out my desk. Ofcourse the pressure to pee was unimaginable now. The pain was showing in my face- but I didn't want to go. I took her to a window sill and suggested we sit there. As we sat- I realised that I HAD TO PEE. So the moment my butt touched the window sill, I shot up like it was searing hot- mumbled something and ran to the bathroom. The pressure was so bad now that I was fumbling desperately to lock the door. Then I let it rip- phew! that was the most pleasurable pee in the widest world. My lips curled into a smile as I felt lighter than I have ever felt in my life. For everbody who has peed in a western toilet- you do know that it makes an embarassingly loud gurgle gurgle sound. Inspite of that I could hear that everybody was getting ready to leave. What do I do? stop midpee? I couldn't do that- I still had a long way to go. But I wanted to say bye to Meera., what could I do but urge myself hard to empty the bladder. I hope my fellow bloggers can understand the futiliy of trying to pee faster? Its not really possible, the harder you try the more pee comes out. Eventually after what seemed like an eternity the deed was done. I ran out of the loo straight to the front door where they were waiting patiently for me to make an appearance. We all said good night and as I reached out my hand to Meera to bid goodnight- a horrible realisation came. In all my hurry, I hadn't washed my hands. So as she was reaching out to shake my hands I had to withdraw my hand abruptly. Its moments like this that you wish nobody notices, but actually everybody stops talking and looks at you wondering what exactly are you upto? I just smile at everbody and suddenly do an Indian Namaste to Meera and her brother. Boy!! I have never looked weirder to myself in my life.

What a first impression!?