School Performances

Schools have a method of making every child feel important. In my school, especially in the younger classes, the goal was to get as many children as possible onto the stage. Rounds of auditions were held for roles requiring no dialogues to speak of. The whole process instilled a sense of pride and the camaraderie was memorable. Every child wrote home stating they were to participate in the play on Founder's Day, and parents would take time to gather from all parts of India to see their off-spring shine forth and perform on stage. Well ... not exactly, since most children would be part of a queen's maids or fairies or some such similar thing, and just stand on the stage long enough for a photo-op.

The point is: it was a major highlight in their lives.

As I grew older, and occupied my status as an aunt, I was invited several times to performances of nieces and nephews. One such performance a decade ago still gives me goose-bumps. My niece, V, was to perform on stage as a Sunflower in her nursery school. Preparations were on at a feverish pace. She would sing and practice religiously everyday. Of course, I was there dressed in my best clothes to watch my dear niece perform.

I stepped back-stage before the program started, and wished her luck, before snaking my way through the crowds to an inconspicuous chair in the rear-end of the auditorium.

This is where things start getting interesting.

We were ready for the "Sunflower Song & Dance". V stepped on stage, and the sunflower field was before us. To state it mildly, V's vocal chords are noticeable even in a noisy bunch of first graders. She stepped on stage, scoured the audience and started singing. All this while, she was combing the audience evidently looking for me - her favourite aunt. She spotted me, stopped singing, pointed at me and waved - "Hi chitthi!"

I have never received a nastier jar in my life. I slowly felt the people farm turn and look at me. I started turning red with embarrassment. I could have done the beetroot song and dance just there but I went with sinking as low as possible into my chair, and prayed for the sunflower dance to be over!

What brings these reminiscences back after all these years you might ask - aah a good question. This time, it is the role of my nephew as a clown in his School play, which I will have to miss on account of living half a moon away from him. Nevertheless, I look forward to the narration of the event with gusto. I received a first account from my sister.

Performing is great fun, and an important part of growing up. That letter opened a flood of memories - all pleasant!

What if people sue?

The other day, I spent time reading a document towards our house purchase - a house inspection report. A bad document. Not only because it is flooded with mundane details, but also because of lack of certainty in every aspect of the report. At the end of reading the document, I can summarize as follows:

1. The water heater looks fine from the exterior. If you really need the water heater tested, please contact a water heater specialist.
2. The air cooler looks fine from the exterior. If you really need the air cooler tested, please contact a air cooler specialist.
3. The floor tiles look fine from the exterior. If you really need the floor tiles inspected, please contact a floor tiles specialist.
4. The gas burner looks fine from the exterior. If you really need the gas burner inspected thoroughly, please contact a gas burner specialist.

You could read the report, but to really understand the report, please contact a specialist report reader.

Underlying issue: What if people sue?

I could be a doctor and say I could check your blood pressure, but if you want to be sure about the sphygmammometer readings, you should go to a sphygmammometer specialist.I could check your temperature and say to be sure please check with the thermometer specialist.
What if I get sued for reading the wrong temperature?

The doctor example was extreme, but I have never left the office of any professional in the USA sure about the statements - caveats and exclusions rule the roost.

I enjoyed my dinner yesterday, but if you want to be sure, you better ask my taste glands.

I really got to go...

Although this happened many years back, for some reason I can remember this like it happened yesterday.

Turn of the century, the year was 1999. I had gotten engaged to Meera in absentia and it was now time for me to make my rather longish trip from Spokane to Chennai for our wedding. I'm the kind of person who doesn't deal with nervousness with steely cool fingers. As a matter of fact I lost about 15 minutes during my 12th Math exam- trying to find a place to pee because the nervousness got the better of me. So take it from me, when I say I don't do nervousness very well and I was really nervous. As a matter of fact, I get nervous about a lot of things. I get nervous before travel. Its only prior to the travel that I'm really nervous- the actual travel itself is a pleasure. I used to be very nervous meeting people. So here was a case when both waves of nervousness met fully and reached resonance. I packed nervously, I got gifts for everybody nervously, I left my home locking up everything behind me obsessively (yes thats another thing, I have mild OCD when leaving behind a locked home or car). By the time I reached the airport I was a nervous wreck. I kept going over and over in my mind all the smart things I would say when I first met Meera. I even thought up smart conversations in my mind for each of her family members. It took a lot of time and before I knew it I was in Singapore. I called Meera up in Chennai to confirm that I was about 4 hours from Chennai. Now my nervousness was at an all time high- I showered, shaved and changed into fresh clothes before I jumped into the Chennai flight. Soon I was in Chennai Airport and because I was busy being fidgety, time flew and soon I was walking out of green channel. Saw my dad, mom and sister there waiting for me. My dad and mom moved aside and Meera was standing there smiling very shyly. Here was the person I had conversed over the phone for hours together almost everyday for the last 7 months (thats the topic for a different blog)., this was what I was waiting for all these months and suddenly I couldn't think of anything to say. Nada, zip, nothing. I think if there was a video taken of that moment, I would have recognised a gold fish. My mouth would open as if to say something and close, then open again and close. Unlike Meera I didn't smile much either. My dad decided to intervene on my behalf- he suggested "you both may want to shake hands"? Immediately I let out a loud forced laughter, glad the silence was over and shook hands very vigorously. Next five minutes as we were walking back to the cars- I kept wondering if I shook hands a bit too vigorously. Perhaps women prefer a gentler grip? Did I crush her hands a tad too much? Why was her palms limp- was that too much? maybe I should ask her?

My dad, mom and sister discreetly hinted that they will come in their car. While myself and Meera can go with her brother to my parent's apartment. I was wondering if there was anyway of getting rid of brother boy. Not a chance my mind told me., his car- he drives. Ofcourse there was no other configuration possible but me and Meera sit in different rows. You see since her brother had to drive the car, only one could sit in the front (unless we sat in the same seat and that may be a bit too much). Ofcourse, I did consider for a moment if we both could sit in the back, seeing that her brother was all of 6 feet, I dropped that idea.

As we drove out with me in the front and Meera in the rear seat, I realised she was awfully quiet. This was a girl who was very garrulous on the phone the last six months, as a matter of fact many of our conversations would be filled with her talking and me punctuating in between with some well timed 'ohs' and 'ahas'. She was now playing shy all of a sudden. To make it worse I couldn't bring up any romantic conversation, thanks to our buddy driving next to me- who insisted on making small talk with me about the totally forget-able flight I had just had. Didn't do much to help my nervousness and ofcourse I had a slight urge to pee too. I realised that in all my nervousness I had drunk a lot of coffee and a lot of water and hadn't peed since Singapore- many hours back.

Thats ok, I could pee at home I thought, as we rounded a corner and reached my parents home. They were all waiting for us, it was about midnight now and ofcourse my dad insisted that they come in and spend a few minutes before leaving. I was delighted and had a sudden urge to hug him for this brainwave.

We all walked up and sat in the hall making more small talk which was completely boring me. I wanted some quality time with Meera- but how could I wrestle her away from everybody at this juncture. I asked Meera if she wanted to see my room? She gave a shy ok. I realised I really had to pee- but she said ok and I didn't want to go now. Afterall they were here only for a few minutes. I also realised that I didn't know where my room was anymore. One had changed into my sister's room- the other was suddenly in a different configuration. I was getting very nervous, lost in the house I grew up in. I must've looked very frantic and funny to Meera, here I was suddenly searching for something she had no idea what. I was sweating profusely, because nothing was the same and I was suddenly getting very disoriented. I said - oh these are my college book. As if that was what Meera was waiting to know for such a long time. I pointed to my desk and bravely said- thats my desk. She smiled back. Hmm what else can I say? The conversation in the hall was dying and her brother may decide anytime that its time to leave and here I was pointing out my desk. Ofcourse the pressure to pee was unimaginable now. The pain was showing in my face- but I didn't want to go. I took her to a window sill and suggested we sit there. As we sat- I realised that I HAD TO PEE. So the moment my butt touched the window sill, I shot up like it was searing hot- mumbled something and ran to the bathroom. The pressure was so bad now that I was fumbling desperately to lock the door. Then I let it rip- phew! that was the most pleasurable pee in the widest world. My lips curled into a smile as I felt lighter than I have ever felt in my life. For everbody who has peed in a western toilet- you do know that it makes an embarassingly loud gurgle gurgle sound. Inspite of that I could hear that everybody was getting ready to leave. What do I do? stop midpee? I couldn't do that- I still had a long way to go. But I wanted to say bye to Meera., what could I do but urge myself hard to empty the bladder. I hope my fellow bloggers can understand the futiliy of trying to pee faster? Its not really possible, the harder you try the more pee comes out. Eventually after what seemed like an eternity the deed was done. I ran out of the loo straight to the front door where they were waiting patiently for me to make an appearance. We all said good night and as I reached out my hand to Meera to bid goodnight- a horrible realisation came. In all my hurry, I hadn't washed my hands. So as she was reaching out to shake my hands I had to withdraw my hand abruptly. Its moments like this that you wish nobody notices, but actually everybody stops talking and looks at you wondering what exactly are you upto? I just smile at everbody and suddenly do an Indian Namaste to Meera and her brother. Boy!! I have never looked weirder to myself in my life.

What a first impression!?

Geeky Rap Song

The following site has some interesting stuff, including a geeky rap song which was kind of interesting...

http://www.monzy.com/

Disclaimer: The lyrics are R-rated

My flow is so intense that I will overflow your buffer,
Corrupt your stack pointer makin' all your data suffer.
I've got saturated edges but your flow is sparser,
Real gangstas sip on Yacc; instead you generate a parser.
While you're busy poppin' stacks I'll pop a cap in your skull,
While you smoke your crack pipe I'm gonna pipe you to /dev/null.
I may not have a label but I rap like a star;I'm an unsigned long int and you're an 8-bit char.

Efficient mitochondria, Ramesh Mahadevan,....

By way of Ramakrishnan's blog, the link between efficient mitochondria and long life. Also there I came across Ramesh Mahadevan's blog and his homepage (where his old fabulous articles are about life as a desi student in USA) . Incredibly funny guy- hope you enjoy his stories/articles with a mix of sharp humour/insight as much as I did.

Impending Fatherhood

Disclaimer: This blog contains my opinion on Parenthood in general and Fatherhood in specific. These are my opinions and as is always the case with opinions- they are just that. Please don't feel invalidated or insulted by them... at the sametime comments are as always welcome and ofcourse the whole point of the blog.

As Meera's delivery date nears- we have had ample time as a couple to think of parenthood. Is there something called a good parent? Specifically, me as an individual- what kind of person I am that translates to what kind of father will I be? What kind of father should I be? (the two are obviously different things). So as I look around there is more literature on this subject than anything else. As we all know parenthood is not a status that is bestowed after careful study. One needs no eligibility other than the act of procreation (I didn't include adoption- because thankfully in that case there is somebody who scrutinizes you for your abilities to be a parent). So no wonder this gets to be a highly talked about subject and there is in general absolutely no consensus among the so called experts and definitely no consensus among existing parents. To add to the chaos, to be parents like me have opinions of what a good parent is- without really being in the context of being a parent. Add to this stew the different cultural do's and don'ts and being Indians in America (I suppose most of the authors of this blog are that) we are caught in an environment that we didn't grow up in.

So with so many uncertainities around- the context of this blog is that most ideas of good parenting/bad parenting are just opinions. There are even opinions that what you do as a parent doesn't really matter- peer pressure shapes a child more. Well... Well.. Well.. inspite of all that let me start anyway for what its worth...

First, I'm going to skirt around the idea of what makes a good parent. Instead I will see if we can work backwards. What results do we really want for/in our children? If I can agree with myself on that- I would think it will be easier to work backwards (Merlin's principal) and find one of many methods that work to gain the result.

1. Most of us live in Suburbs, which by definition isolates the child from pretty much every aspect of life that the child may face as an adult. In this island the child grows up with doting parents and even more doting grandparents. Add to this that most parents are working fulltime and grandparents can only make occasional visits. With these constraints most parents/grandparents want the little time with their child to be all about the child. Which is fine for a while- but as it enters society in the form of preschool/school, there is culture shock. The world doesn't really revolve around the kid... tough luck. So the first result I would like is a kid that is not really full of itself. I would like to explore techniques that tell the kid that its very much loved- but its yet another member of the family. Sometimes things will go its way and sometimes things won't. There are some examples that I have seen different parents do that I personally like, here is an example. Sleep time is precious, but its not so precious that nothing will disturb it. There will be circumstances where the kid will be woken up - I would like to show the kid that is no big deal. He/She can always sleep in a car later. Undisturbed sleep is overrated. This ofcourse is just one example... and as always everything starts by setting an example and I will try to lead by example in my life.

2. Probably this should be the first point- but I see so many kids so full of themselves (in my opinion) that I thought I had to put that first. So for the second point- I don't really want to control the kid's life. Sure in the early stages of childhood such a result can't be achieved without seemingly being controlling (in the form of setting and removing limits). But as time goes on I will want the kid to realise I'm there more as a buddy to discuss things with rather than a father who approves of points x, y and z and dissaproves everything else. I realise this is the toughest thing to implement and I will have to take it as it comes.. but my initial idea is to transition gently from a parent as a rule setter to a parent as a debator. But I'm not sure at this stage about the specifics of implementation- I just want this result.

3. Instil in them no specific values- but instead try to promote an enquiring mind that understands the funtion of society and the role an indvidual plays in the society. For example, I will definitely not choose for the kid the religion it should follow or not follow nor choose for him to be away from religion altogether. I will not tell him/her that living in with somebody is immoral and the only moral thing is to live a married life. I will hopefully help them understand their own sexuality - whether they decide that they are straight or gay or in million places in between. It doesn't matter if they drink/smoke- If they have an inquiring mind, I'm sure they will be able to figure out whats good for them. If I suceed with point 2, they will have me for support to understand what they are going through and point out things as it looks from my view point. Hopefully if they understand their role in society and understand the rules that society plays with - they will stay off drugs and crime. Again in the knowledge that they will understand for themselves that somethings work and somethings don't in society and breaking the law has consequences. If they still do go ahead and break the law- there is nothing else to do but be there to support them and help them face the consequences and get them back into individuals that work together in society.

Above point doesn't mean I won't set a specific framework for my kids. I definitely will, but at the sametime at a point in their childhood where their awareness of different issues increase, I will hopefully point out the rationale behind the framework I set and from that point make it more of a colaboration game where we all sit together and decide whats best for us.

4. Bouncability, there is no other attribute I admire the most. The ability to bounce right back from failure and go 100% all over again. Everybody fails, but I believe the truly happy ones are those who don't suffer their failure but just bounce right back. This is definitely one of those that requires a strong example setting and has many subspecifics... a) failure is normal b) admitting ones wrong doing c) risk taking - which is really the other side of fear of failing. I can definitely apply this point to itself (parenting) and show that I'm willing to change my attitude about specific methods of parenting and I am open to changing my idea of expected results I have when I realise they don't work.

The above are just a few of the things that has been running amok in my mind for a whole while now. There are more- but for the sake of the sanity of this blog and to limit it I shall end the results with just four. As a post script, I would also not like to take my role as a father too seriously. Nothing is cast in stone, there will be breakdowns and there will be breakthroughs in what I expect. But I will hopefully strive to enjoy the journey.

Post post script: The 'I' here stands for both me and in most cases for us 'Meera and Me' as parents. Its just so much more easier to write as 'I' and refer to the child as 'it' instead of him/her in every occasion.

Can you recognize me?

I was watching a Rajini movie the other day in which he has a double role. The first time when they both meet each other in a jail, one of them says ," Adhu eppidipa nee enna madhiriye irruke".This is something that has intrigued me always whenever I watch a movie like that. Do you really think you can recognize yourself . Actually, I dont look at myself that often to register my face thoroughly. I might be able to instantly affirm somebody's resemblance to Suresh as I live with him and see him every single day. I have not seen even a single movie where they fail to recognize the other person in the very first shot. My face is not that unique , though I assume it to be :-). I can easily get lost in a crowd and it has been more than once when people have said that I resemble one of their friends.Maybe, I have the "girl next door" look , which would make it all the more tough to recognize my double. The question is..Can you?

PS:
Talking about double roles reminds me of the time when I took my niece Arthi, who was 7 yrs old then, to watch the movie "Duplicate". She got very confused on seeing "good Sharukh" and "bad Sharukh", shouting for all to hear almost in most of the shots, "Shoba, Is this good Sharukh or bad Sharukh?". Man...That was ONE confusing movie for her , in turn providing non stop entertainment for me and my friend A. ...LOL

Top 10...

I was just thinking of the top 10 things I would like to do- so I'm sharing them with you folks, please comment back with your list...

1. Run the Boston Marathon
2. Run the Western 100
3. Qualify and participate in the Kona triathlon
4. Fly a plane or in other words learn to fly a plane
5. Live a day in space (I fervently hope for that oppurtunity to be available to the common man within my lifetime).
6. Scuba dive in the Great Barrier
7. Learn to Ski
8. Knee drag with my bike in a race track
9. Learn rock climbing
10. Visit either the North or the South Pole

The above list is not sorted in any particular order.

Burning Calories

Following Manohar's blog on running, I thought it might be good to know about other activities that help in burning calories..

Activity & Calories/10 min	123 lb women	170 lb man
Basketball	77	106
Cycling (5.5 mph)	36	49
Cycling (9.4 mph)	56	74
Cycling (racing)	95	130
Dance Exercise (High Impact Aerobics)	94	124
Dance Exercise (Low Impact Aerobics)	80	105
Football	74	102
Racquetball	76	107
Rope Skipping (slow)	82	116
Rope Skipping (fast)	100	142
Running (8 min/mile)	113	150
Running (11 1/2 min/mile)	76	100
Skiing (Cross Country)	80	106
Stairmaster	88	122
Step Aerobics (4 inch bench)	48	66
Step Aerobics (6 inch bench)	58	80
Step Aerobics (8 inch bench)	67	92
Step Aerobics (10 inch bench)	75	104
Soccer	78	107
Swimming (back stroke)	95	130
Swimming (breast stroke)	91	125
Swimming (fast crawl)	87	120
Swimming (slow crawl)	95	130
Swimming (side stroke)	68	90
Swimming (treading water)	35	48
Tennis (singles)	61	81
Volleyball	28	39
Weight training (super circuit)	104	137
Weight training (muscular strength)	44	60
Weight training (muscular endurance)	58	80
Walking (3.5 mph)	45	59

The faster you run, the more calories you burn according to this table.
Check out the calorie calculator.
http://www.healthdiscovery.net/links/calculators/calorie_calculator.htm

Running equivalents

If you run approx 12 minutes/mile, here is a list of foods and how long you need to run to burn them off (from the April 2007 issue of runner's world)

Banana (large) - 13 min
12 oz beer - 16 min
1 snickers bar - 30 min
Starbucks mocha frapuccino - 31 min
One cup cooked pasta with tomato sauce - 31 min
2 bean/cheese burrito - 40 min
1 cinnamon raison bagel with 2 teaspons of peanut butter - 41 min
1 scone - 45 min
2 slices of pizza hut cheese pan pizza - 58 min
2 pancakes with a tablespoon of butter and 1/4 cup maple syrup - 70 min
cheese burger with large french fries - 117 min