I had a goal of finishing this race in 4:30. I didn't come anywhere close. I finished in 4:59. For about a week I went through many 'what if' scenarios, and I think I have got it.
I am reading Randy Pausch's 'Last Lecture'. One of the things he does at the beginning of his lecture is acknowledge the elephant in the room. It got me thinking....
I know by nature that I'm very competitive. Like any other trait, there are situations where it works for me and there are times when it works against me. So to start with, I think I need to acknowledge the elephant in the room. As far as I'm concerned, both Suresh and Sriks are awesome runner's in my mind. So my competitive self is always competing against them. My goals are based on their improvements-- not really my own improvement. I wanted a quantum of improvement that Suresh had when he ran Big Sur. I pushed hard during my training to achieve that. When I didn't... I was devastated. With the elephant in the room out of the way. This is what I really achieved...
I ran Big Sur 16 minutes faster than my previous marathon. I really enjoy running. I hardly ever regret running a marathon, irrespective of the pain I go through in the end. Sure I wish I don't have to go through pain-- but if I must trade pain against finishing, I will any day pick pain. I made that choice for Big Sur and I finished it.
As long as I'm competing with myself, I really enjoy my runs. I have learnt the hard way that competing against myself is the only real way to enjoy what I do and continue enjoying what I do. I have thought long and hard and have vowed to myself to not fall into the pitfall of comparing my performance or my gains against somebody else's. Its foolish-- I will always meet runner's who have improved better and ran/run better than me.
So with renewed vigor, I will now run the San Francisco half marathon and the Sacramento International marathon- with a simple goal. I will run against myself and only myself. I will continue to enjoy the journey and learn along the way. I will of course enjoy and appreciate the run's of my friends and revel in their improvements without mirroring myself into that. I will learn from their wisdom too.
Here is to a year of good and safe running!!
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11 comments:
Manu,
Congratulations on Big Sur 2009. Ironically, when I asked Sriks the time, I thought - "Oh no... Manu is going to take it really hard!" I am glad to hear that you have moved past feeling down to analysing and improvising for next time around.
I sometimes wish somebody would tell me what constitutes an amazing attitude - we all need some degree of competitiveness, some degree of self-worth, some degree of inspiration and determination - but what is the ideal percentile? I hope I will know soon.
Right balance of comparing ourselves with others (for motivation) and measuring our improvements in isolation is always required.
Mano, it takes a lot of character to say what one feels... Many (including myself) don't...
As I always say, it is good to do an all out effort to achieve the best possible outcome. But, when things don't go your way, it is still good in a strange way to know that the best is yet to come... I know that your best is yet to come...
saumya: Thank you very mch. I guess only our exposure to various things will tell us :)
sriks: ??
mindframes: Thanks a lot man. Your comments are much appreciated.
Mano,
Got to appreciate you for letting out the elephant. IMHO,most of us are competitive but very rarely say it out loud,but you are one of the very few guys/gals who has done it and
I love that.
Being competitive, but at the same time knowing our limitations is a big-time self realisation , though it is easier said than done,especially when our background has always forced us to be competitive in almost everything.Anyway, I always thought marathon running was the only sport where one competes against oneself.So,you making a 4:59 is definitely a win and your best PR.
Btw, I have seen the last lecture in You Tube and I do remember Randy talking about the elephant in the room. It is an amazing read and will help you with your soul searching.
survivor: thank you very much dudette :)
All it takes is some beer and no company. One has nothing else to do but think. Yes, I'm reading the Last Lecture now. I have also made other decisions- but thats the topic for another blog :P
Dude
You finished 16 minutes faster than your previous race on a much more difficult terrain. And this in an extremely grueling task that very few people even dare to attempt.
If that doesn't prop your chin up, I don't know what would :).
Having said that, I appreciate your candor :).
I am eagerly waiting for the next blog.
Incidentally, I am working on a blog post that involves Pausch as well :), specifically to do with Head Fakes, w.r.to running. I have written in my head, have to type it out when I get a few minutes.
Obelix: thanks dude. waiting for your post.
Who is Obelix? By the name, if I were to guess, it has to be someone who is ..hmmm..as Obelix always puts it..not fat, just well built.
Obelix is not fat. Just slightly rounded.
:).
I have used Obelix as my moniker on the internets that if you google Obelix, my blog is #4 in search results :D.
Mano
Blog up. http://blog.anands.net/2009/05/08/head-fake/
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