New Meanings for words

These are the winners from Washington Post.

Coffee: the person upon whom one coughs.

Flabbergasted: appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

Abdicate: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Esplanade: to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly: impotent.

Negligent: absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

Lymph: to walk with a lisp.

Gargoyle: olive-flavored mouthwash.

Flatulence: emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

Balderdash: a rapidly receding hairline

Testicle: a humorous question on an exam.

Rectitude: the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

Pokemon: a Rastafarian proctologist.

Oyster: a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

Frisbeetarianism: the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Circumvent: an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.