Worth a thought

There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. -- Albert Einstein

There are two types of people- One who categorize people into two types and others who dont.

Things are the way things are only to the people who see them that way.

Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment.

Happiness is a path, not a destination.

The 50-50-90 rule:
Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

Look at life through the windshield, not the rear-view mirror.

Love is not finding a perfect person, it is seeing an imperfect person perfectly.

Its not Flight or Fight - Its FRIGHT

The flight or fight response, also called the "acute stress response" was first described by Walter Cannon in the 1920s as a theory that animals react to threats with a general discharge of the sympathetic nervous system. The response was later recognized as the first stage of a general adaptation syndrome that regulates stress responses among vertebrates and other organisms.

An example:Suppose that you are out on a picnic with your family and decide to go off on a hike by yourself. As you come around a bend in the trail you suddenly see a large snake that is coiled and prepared to strike. You will probably recognize this as a threat and your body will go into a stress reaction. You feel your muscles tense as your heart rate and breathing increase. You body is preparing you to act by either fighting or running away.

Our body is made to respond to every single situation in life with either flight or fight reponse. But, I think our mind is more motivated by FRIGHT than fight or flight. I have been motivated to fight or flee away from a situation because of fear of the consequence. When I was young, the fear of my parents' bickerings made me study hard and always be the first ranker in the class till it became a habit and I was fully motivated to be a winner in every exam . If my Mom had cajoled me , showering all her love and asking me gently to study hard, I doubt if I would have shined in my studies as I did. There are many teenagers who behave strangely , sometimes even harshly just because of the fear of not being accpeted by their community . At the same time, for the same reason, some of them change their characters to be better persons just to get accepted.

Yes, we all know that exercise is good for our health. But, till we see a high cholestrol in our blood report, we are not motivated to join a gym or reduce our intake. It is the fear of a heart attack that motivates you to improve your health. The fear of losing your job makes you work harder at work. Imagine a workplace where everything is very leisurely ..there is no way you will be able to grow in such an environment. Once you know a layoff is on the way, you can see every Tom,Dick and Harry at work .

Ultimately, it is the fear of death that motivates life. The only sure thing about life is death. But, we are all afraid of it and it motivates us to become better, braver souls and enhances our fight responses . It might feel good to say that LOVE is the most intense force in this world . I agree, love is definitely a strong one but in my opinion, FEAR supercedes it as being more forceful.

Neat freak

There’s a cost to being finicky, or as some would say “neat freak”. That’s exactly what I have become. And many times I pay the price. It pains me to see clutter. I cannot seem to ignore what’s around. That would be ideal, of course, to go about unruffled even when there is chaos and a total lack of order. But, it drains my energy, if I try to ignore it. I deal with it by quickly setting things right, by putting articles back in their place.

But, I realize everyday that it might not be the best way to deal with things. One has to learn to be neat, but I think one has to learn to manage disarray and mess. After all, things are not always under our control. We have no right to put things back in order at a friend’s house. What if hurricane tosses things around my house, I must make sure I don’t get a cardiac arrest before I have a chance to rebuild!

Recently, a kid visited my kid-less house. Things took a quick re-ordering to accommodate the child’s pranks. We don’t have toys around, except for a little stuffed dog called Kethu, a bear called Ballu, and a pair of tortoises called Tipu and Rocky. Anyone who has kids, know that these 4 toys are just enough to keep the child’s attention for roughly 1 minute and 20 seconds. It turns out I was wrong. There are many more toys in my house than I had imagined. Coasters and potatoes were rolling, baking dishes came out of the oven to see daylight for the first time in months, rolling pins, spoons, forks, bucket, stepping stool, the list is endless.

The kitchen had stuff all over the counter, tissue paper and newspaper, crayons, toys strewn all over the floor. The living room was like a battlefield. Kethu and Ballu lay injured, Kethu’s neck was arched backward in a position I haven’t seen before. There were peels of laughter and the fun had just begun. I spent as much time away in the least cluttered room. My energy was draining, I couldn’t stop what was going on and I couldn’t clean the mess. And I wondered why I have become so uptight that I cannot enjoy the bigger things, such as the joy on a child’s face? I remember the joy I had when I sat on the window sill in our 14^th floor apartment blowing bubbles outside the window, as I chased around my brother for the tricycle, the joy I experienced drumming empty Bournvita cans.

I wonder where that kid in me is. I have to learn to filter out the things that are not in my control, to adjust with status quo, to let thins be, and to find and enjoy the little things that are all around me. I realize I should try to turn things around to where I can ignore the external interruptions to my sanctity without trying too hard. Anything else is too costly for me.

Got to have Faith. Got to have Tolerance.

What is Faith? There are multiple definitions in the dictionary for faith. My favorite one is "firm belief in something for which there is no proof ". From faith springs Religion, Miracles, Confidence, Love etc. Religion is faith in god, Miracle is faith in something beyond our control, Confidence is faith in oneself, Love is faith in others. When people develop uncritical devotion to their faith it can assumes a darker shade. Faith becomes fanatism. Many lives have been lost right from the crusades to anti-hindi agitation due to soem form of fanatism. What do we need to prevent fanatism? Where should we draw the line?.

I believe that every human being has right to believe what they want to. At the same time we should not expect others to believe in what we believe. This is tolerance. we should learn to co-exist in an environment where everyone can pursue what they believe in. The first place tolerance should start is at home. This could start right from choosing the movie you want to see with your family to deciding on what car to buy. We should learn to adjust to the choices that others make. Tolerance starts building when we expand our social circle. The more we interact with others, we start learning how to be tolerant. At the same time when others question our belief one should have enough confidence in themselves to hold on to it strongly. We should however not be blinded by our faith that we cannot see the faults in it. If these simple(??) rules be followed with faith, the world will be a better place to live in.

PS: Mindframe we seemed to have touched on similar subject. But since we have a different perspective I thought it would be interesting. I swear I did not read yours before I wrote mine.

Coexistence

Coexistence has always been a very controversial concept to me. Let us look at it from the scope of the earth. Humans, Animals, Plants, Bugs, Sea Life etc., coexist in earth. That makes us all some kind of unified system. If you scope it back to the divisions of each entity in the system, we know that coexistence is more of a territorial problem than a sharing problem. Ofcourse, plants dont do much to defend themselves. But, most entities that have life defends for its territory. After all, survival and reproduction are the two major commonalities among all living things. Now, let us scope it just to the extent of the humans. We all have our own territories (countries). We usually dont allow people from one country to another without a properly authorized mechanisms. Reducing the scope further, we have states and regions and what not. If you reduce the scope of it all the way to an individual human, what do we think about coexistence is a question to ponder about...

I always wanted my space. There have been trade-offs when I lived with my parents or shared rooms with my friends in college or elsewhere. But, I always wanted my own territory...:) Well, then, I got married..:).. Territory now took a different dimension. I had to share my space with someone else too. Since I was fortunate enough to get married to someone whom I knew before, it became a lot easier. But, coexisting is a lot more than just "knowing each other". All of my habits had to somehow adjust and align with the other person and still keep us in "balance". Given the uniqueness of human behaviour, it is very difficult to characterize what "adjustment" really means. But then, miraculously, we got adjusted to each other's behaviour. I guess, time takes its own course in balancing the coexistential requirements.

Now, I am at a point of life where I have to let people to coexist with "us". Either my parents or my wife's parents visit us on an average of once in a year. The problem is, all models of coexistence that had existed between me and my parents have changed. Also, I am introduced to a new set of people (my in-laws) with whom I had to coexist. I hope you all agree to the fact that meeting people at a dinner party and sharing a "hi" or travelling with someone on a vacation is completely different from "living" with someone. Here, there is an added condition is that I should not screw up the relation, especially while they are here. What do I do?

When it comes to living with parents or in-laws, following are some of the common issues that I have faced. There is a generation gap which tends to create differences in the definition of what is rational or rather irrational, their perception that Indians living in US think that India is inferior (arguments comparing US with India and the talk about culture, tradition, values, relatives and all that... ) and the third issue, especially from my parents is that I have changed. I dont know why change is wrong... Anyway, I think, for some reason, they all like to argue and win. I have tried my own strategies to get around/through that. But, most strategies have been difficult to implement and almost always it failed at some point of time.

Based on what I seen and heard and experienced, I have realised one thing, coexistence is all about giving up one's "self". It not only applies to long-term coexistence (as in living together), but short term coexistence as well. I think, the moment you start talking to someone, there exists a coexistential cloud between those two. There is always a careful balance as to how much one can give-up their "self" and at times it fluctuates either way and thats what causes most of the confusions or lack thereof. I think our mind needs people with whom we are comfortable. So, it is all about giving up our "self" for the greater benefit of accomodating the other person in our mind or vice versa. As long as I dont have any long term negative impact, I am usually prepared to give up my "self" anytime...the key being, right set of people.

Peter F. Drucker - Paradigm for Excellence...

I dont know how many of you have heard about Peter Drucker. He is hailed as the "management guru" of the century. He passed away on Nov 11, 2005 at age 95. I had the oppurtunity to be in class with a professor who once studied under Drucker. This professor idolised Drucker's principles throughout the course. But then, I am the kind who doesnt take other's words unless I know it myself. Especially, I always considered the concepts in management to be "glorified commonsense". So, I couldnt possibly perceive the fact that someone could be a visionary on that topic. But, when I studied more about Drucker, I realised that he was a great human. Though some of his principles sounded very basic from a higher level of abstraction, I found them to be extremely helpful in reality. Since it is beyond the scope of this blog to summarize all his sayings, I would like to point out a couple of things that influenced me.

One of the major question I have in managing my career is, what do I do next? When I talk to more and more people, I only hear more and more of the same answer. Earlier in life, the choices were laid on a platter and it was very easy for me to pick a choice. In some cases, I didnt even had to make a choice. When I did my 6th std, I knew that I was going to be doing 7th, 8th-- +2 and then a college degree. There was very little ambiguity. But, the same is not true now. The most common perception is that, if one does their job to everyone's satisfaction, they will progress. This is true only to an extent. If it was true in your case throughout your career, then it implies that you were one of the fortunate few who had a very good set of managers. In reality, it is not true. Drucker talks a lot about managing oneself. He says that, the key to managing oneself is to identify your strengths. He says that, one should capitalise on the strengths and continually improve than trying to improve on their weaknesses. One should constantly seek for oppurtunities where their strengths match a given requirement and show how one can perform. He also says that, if you are a "knowledge-worker", you should reinvent and revitalise yourself with knowledge. This is the way I see it. If you are selected for a job that you do very well, 4-years from then, if you are doing a similar job with not a whole lot of productivity/skills improvement, you could very well be replaced by someone 4-yrs younger to you without much difference in output, and that too, for a lesser salary. The company is not there to educate you for future market needs. They only use you for your current expertise. So, you are responsible for formulating your career. Another key ingredient to doing this is to manage your boss successfully, even if it takes flattery..:).. Simply put, the answers to most problems lie within you.

Apart from his philosophical outlook, the thing that inspired me the most is his life itself. He lived for 95 years. During the time, he has published 38 books and numerous articles in the field of management. He was a liberalist from the beginning, in that, he wrote articles against Hitler. He identified the importance of managing people and was one of the first ever to formalise management as an academic topic that needs to be taught. He constantly learned throughout his life and enlightened others to learn as well. He strongly believed that future oppurtunities are nothing but current oppurtunities. That said, he was able to predict the state of management and its impact on people, well before it happened. He predicted globalisation and its impact dating as far back as in 70s. He was undoubtedly a great visionary. He pursued his passion and never got tired of whatever he undertook. That is one good example to live life by.

References:
1) The Daily Drucker <- Book
2) Managing Oneself, Managing Your Boss <- Publications in Harvard Business Review
3) Latest Business Week Issue cover page article on Peter Drucker

What's in a language?

As we all know, it is very tough to be without thoughts while meditating. Usually, my thoughts wander everywhere while I am in supposedly deep dhyanam.Last week, my half-hour meditation with my perceptor went something like this:
8:00AM:Meditation starts.
8:00 - 8:05AM: Trying to get into a comfortable position and start meditating.
8:05:05AM:I am trying to get into a trance when few thoughts pass by.I started wondering about what food to cook that day .I finally decided," Pesama verum rasamum , beans currium pannidalam .Simple-a mudinjidum".You see, the key to meditation is to finish your thoughts and slowly set them aside so that you can concentrate on meditating.
8:05:06 - 8:10AM:Getting back to Meditating...
8:10AM:Oops! Another thought. I started thinking about the argument I had with Suresh the previous day.Since I was meditating,my BP did not flare up but I started thinking,"Maybe I should have just kept quiet. But, still how could he have said something like that".
8:10:05AM:Then , for no apparent reason,I was thinking about the Murukkus sent by MIL.I started thinking,"Pavam Aunty,kashta pattu avalvum senju anuppuchirukanga". I guess Suresh formed the link to my MIL.I forced myself to set aside my thoughts.Back to meditation.
8:10:06- 8:20AM: Deep meditation.
8:20:01AM:There I was ,experiencing levitation, when out of nowhere came this thought that I should not forget calling my parents that night. "Maridhe Ammange Call madbeku".
8:20:02 - 8:30AM:
I was totally out of meditation as I started thinking about writing this blog. Have you ever wondered in what language you usually think.People are supposed to think in the language that they are fluent with.For most of us, it could be our mother tongue.Since I am not fluent in any language, I found out that I think in almost all languages known to me except Hindi.It also depends on what language I usually use to converse with a particular person. If it is mostly in Tamil, then I tend to think about them in Tamil etc.If I am angry or frustrated,my language invariably switches to English regardless of whom I am talking to. If I am thinking about my office work, it is always in English . I have to admit though that I never think in "C,C++,JAVA". Just so we are clear about that.Next time, when you are deep in your thoughts, note down what language you are thinking in. I am sure you will find it interesting.

Intolerable Cruelty

Well, if you had watched the movie, this blog is nothing about it...:)... I have a question for you. From childhood, how many bacterias, fungi, and similar micro-organisms have you killed ? Expanding the scope further, how many ants, mosquitoes, spiders and such small insects have you killed? Expanding the scope still further, how many dogs, cats, chicken and the like have you killed? Think about it...

My educated guess would be, the answer to the first question should be in the order of billions, the answer to the second question should be in the thousands and hopefully, the answer to the third question should be zero. It is interesting to think that, we, as humans, irrespective of whether we boast about eating vegetarian food or not, kill a lot of small bugs and not even think about it twice. Sometimes, we even take pride in it. However, we have major protests and animal rights activation group when the size of the animal gets larger. When it comes to humans killing humans, we even sentence the killer to death. Are we as a society, okay with killing innocent creatures and are against the killing of bigger animals. I just dont understand. My guess is that, it is probably the suffering that we cant tolerate. If we were able to see how an ant or a spider suffers, through audible sound and action, we probably wont kill them again. But, thats not an excuse...is it? Hold on a second... I just hit a spider that crawled under my desk.. I rest my case...

How Funny is Funny ?

This is a question which I always think about. We all talk about being funny and being sullen. Is funny funny ? If you think about it, you will find that funny need not really be funny. The same argument holds the other way as well. Is sorrow really sorrow ? Once again, it is all context dependent and if you dig deep into it, you will find that it is rather ironical.

I was watching "America's Funniest Videos" the other day. They show all kinds of home made video clips which are supposed to be funny. An old lady trying to get out of the boat and falling into water, a kid beating up his father with a stick, an animal getting scared about some event, an ice-skater/roller blader skidding and falling out of balance, etc., Are these events really funny? Do we all smile at it because we have a group in the TV audience to back it up? Not only that, the title says it is funny. So, it is supposed to be funny. So, does that mean that, if one's sorrow can cause a lot of people to be happy and elated, it is funny ? And if one's sorrow causes a lot of people to be sad, is it sorrowful? Being funny always has its cost. Almost always, someone's happiness needs to be sacrificed, isnt it? What if that somone feel's bad about the fact that their act turned out to be funny? There is nothing they can do about it. Even if they act serious about it, they will be considered morose... is it how it works ? Now, is funny really funny ? I dont think so...

Naguthar Porutandru Natpu

There is a Thirukural which starts as the title. Here is the summary of what it says.

Friendship is not only sharing fun times but also you should point the mistakes and/or provide correct advice to the friend.

So many times I thought about this and wondered about its implications.

Could or should we say/advice a friends if we think they are doing something wrong?
How much of that is very subjective thing?
Are we so perfect that we can advice or point mistakes?
When is the right time to point issues? And when is the time to keep quiet?
Will I be open to criticism from my friends? And what if I think they are wrong?

Questions, Questions and more questions!

Being a diplomatic person in general, I am scared of pin-pointing others problem or probing others to give my thoughts on what I perceive to be their problem.

I feel it is also character dependent and how friendships are built. Some people point your problems without you getting hurt while if I try the same logic, it will come out as condescending. (Or so I think)